Thursday afternoon I was strolling through downtown St. Petersburg with a friend.It was a beautiful, warm, breezy, Spring day. The city was humming with activities and pedestrian's conversations.A rally was being held in the park.Waitresses and waiters were hustling along the sidewalk's many restaurants keeping customers fed and happy.As my friend and I approached the street corner, we were greeted by two young college students.They asked, if we could make a $20 monthly donation to help their cause.They proceeded with a well rehearsed and articulate five minute speech, which lacked not in fervor or conviction.  All I could focus on, was the recent bombardment of dozens of requests for donations from every organization I have ever signed up with.
My involvement in these various organizations emerged from my desire to support causes I felt important and valuable to common concerns.I also wanted to be further informed and aware of important issues.However, it seems to me that lat…


Recently I have been asked by some parents, as to what books on parenting I recommend reading.Since then, I’ve been thinking about it. Rather than just give a list of books, and there is quite an extensive list of parenting books and parenting experts ( just check out the section at Barnes and Nobles) I wanted to share that there is no right book that can make us the perfect parent.  I read most of them and I still find parenting, both the most challenging and most rewarding experience in my life. Growing together, building a relationship is a journey that will be different for each family.That is why I agree with Brene Brown that there is no such thing as “a parenting expert”.  My first recommendation is Brene Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting”.You can get it on audio.I got mine from my local library and I listened to it while cleaning, doing laundry and cooking.It's not always easy to find quiet time with a book, so that worked out great for me.I loved this book beca…


Racial tension between people of different background, heritage, religion, social status etc. is not a new thing to civilization.Racism probably dates back to the origins of Western civilization, if not even earlier.
“Racism is the belief in the superiority of one race over another, which often results in discrimination and prejudice towards people based on their race or ethnicity.
The ideology underlying racist practices often includes the idea that humans can be subdivided into distinct groups that are different due to their social behavior and their innate capacities as well as the idea that they can be ranked as inferior or superior.” (wikipedia)
To really understand the underlying logic that propels one person to treat another as less than, we must first understand how we have all come to possess some level of perceived inferiority, which took root early on in our childhood.  As we compared ourselves or more likely were being compared to others, in certain traits, skills, achieveme…


One of my favorite movie lines is from Spider Man, when the grandfather, as he is dying on the sidewalk from an attack during a break in, tells young Spider Man: “With great power comes great responsibility!”  The entire scene is an antitheses, pointing out how young Spiderman was greatly wronged and would have any number of reasons for revenge and destruction.The difference is, Spider Man was not seeking great power, he was sort of bitten by it. He ends up choosing to use his power for the greater good.
In most cases, however, power is intentionally sought by individuals who believe that they are only worthwhile when they have power; preferably unlimited power over others.At some point, these individuals felt overpowered and concluded that being in the position of power is the preferred place to be.  To some degree, we all openly or secretly admire those who have achieved great wealth and are in a position of power.Our society calls these individuals successful.Most would not use that…


Back in the day, when I was involved in running the Adlerian elementary and middle school, I would produce several performances throughout the year.During the rehearsals leading up to the show, we would always have a few kids who felt discouraged about one thing or another and it would manifest itself in the way they behaved.All discouragement is, in part, due to feelings of inadequacy, which arise from our belief that we have to earn our worth and our place in this world.Those same kids would start to act out, not their assigned part, but rather by creating a disturbance back stage, undermining other's efforts and putting their own agenda above the interest of the group.The way I approached the problem was to avoid getting into it with them and also by not giving them the airtime or an audience.I asked them to leave the stage, until such time as they were able to participate in a helpful manner. When they returned, (and they always did) we all welcomed them back.Over time, we wou…


Inthe lead up to the United States of America’s Independence Day, I am reflecting on where this country once was and where it is now.The journey so many have taken to come here, for opportunity, religious freedom, safety etc.Seeing the Statue of Liberty and what they believed it represented.Each time I see a sign, shirt or bumper sticker saying “Make America Great Again” I find myself wondering how did we come to be so fearful.
As Adler points out in histheory of Individual Psychology,“all psychological compensation states that the stronger the feeling of inferiority, the higher the goal for personal power. “Our fear of not being enough, not having enough (in a land of plenty) not trusting, not feeling safe, whatever our fear, we seem to be operating from that very fear.We can only find our courage if we face whatever fear has a hold on us and often it comes down to the one core fear of not being worthy.When we act in ways that are degrading, damaging, destructive, towards our fellow m…


How is it that when we think we're doing everything we’re supposed to do and follow every good parenting guideline, our kids end up acting irresponsible and at times flat out defiant?

Here is something Alfred Adler talked about: “Perceived Inadequacy”.What it means is that we are all born dependent on the adults in our lives.We are limited in our ability to do things for ourselves.  They have all the power.So right away we kids see the world as not very fair.We want to feel capable and self reliant but that is an ongoing process. We have to learn many skills, practice, make numerous mistakes and try again.  All of which also requires us to have courage and patience.We also need a few good mentors to help us pave the way into adulthood.
When you think back to when you were a kid, was there a time you remember being irresponsible or even outright defiant? How did you feel?  Did you also feel powerless?  

We are steeped in "perceived inadequacy"; (inaccurately) feeling "…