Finding our place of belonging

If you are a parent, who tells your child at drop off:   “Be good! Behave! Do your best today! Have the best day ever!! “You may have all the best intentions, however, unbeknownst to you, you may be setting them up for not such a good day.   Why is that?   Our behaviors are not based on cause and effect, as are other things in nature.   We are motivated by purposefulness.    For example; If I don’t want to be told what to do, and you tell me to be good, I may choose to do the opposite.   Even if I would like to have a good day, help out and cooperate, I cannot let you win by doing what you tell me to do.   Now I’m in a bind!   If the child is in a fight at home, they are going to misbehave wherever  the parent is most vested in the child doing well.   If you want to help your child have a good day, you may want to keep reading and consider trying something different.   The key to anything, is having a good r...

We might as well face it.   The world is changing very rapidly.   Many social and cultural   upheavals over the years have brought about changes to which we all have had to adapt.   At one point in time, we relied heavily on our differences such as skin color, religion, sex, age etc. to help define us and our place in the community.   It was then and it is now, the very thing that is meant to be divisive.  However,  i f not our differences, then what does define us?   We have yet to figure out one very important core concept. Once upon a time when men where the hunter gatherers and women had their place in the home raising their children, once upon a time when roles were distinctively different and well defined, we knew what we could and could not do.   Class, race , sex, age, all the things that pointed out our differences were the things that kept us in our place.   If any one violated the rules they were shamed, fro...

First you have to come to accept that you are already good enough!   Do not keep reading this blog unless you are willing to accept that and the challenge of living imperfectly!   Most of us are vested in how our children turn out.   We want to make sure we’ve done all the right things and given them all the necessary experiences and opportunities, so that they will not fall short later on in life or be a guest on the Oprah show.   We often come to believe that our children are a direct reflection of who we are and therefore our very value as a parent, our very worth is at stake.   There is nothing more vulnerable than becoming a parent.   It’s like you signed up for an emotional bootcamp and you are almost guaranteed to have your ass kicked, and probably more than once.   We play out worse case scenarios and often see our kids lacking somehow.   Alternately we perceive it as our own lack and failure.   We're fearful that th...

WEST SIDE STORY Yesterday I decided to go and check out the Latin festival at the waterfront park, in my neighborhood.   I was greeted by delicious smells and great music.   I love any opportunity to dance and so there I was, in the midst of a large crowd of people, some in beautiful, ornate, colorful, traditional outfits, everyone dancing to the samba, rumba, salsa and cha, cha, or just moving together to the beat.   I was one of few non Latin, non Spanish speaking people, but I could not have felt more of a sense of belonging.   We were dancing in the conga line when I spotted a friend I had met about two years ago.   We hugged, and chatted about the things that have happened since we last met.   She was telling me of her plans to move to Miami in the next year and eventually back to Venezuela with her family.   Her parents were leaving soon, moving back.   I couldn’t help but look shocked; “Why?” I had to ask.   Two years ago...